mY Life, mY DesTiny

1pm already, feel like going home!

ah, last nite when i slpt, i kept seeing that interviewer's face in my mind, dunno y she look sort of intimidating, haha! somehow, i always dun like hr ppl, not sure why, maybe i feel tat the way they potray themselves seems irritating to me, haha, for those high level ones lahz...........

anyway, the question she posed to me seems so faraway, how'll i know wat will happen in more than 7 years dwn the road, esp marriage! i dun even have a bf, how on earth wld i go & think so much! haha! feel so lazy, i wonder if my life is destined to be laboured hard for money, haha! they also told me their organization is v different fr the rest. Usually have to work late, may not be able to go to sch on time due to urgent work, blah blah..........everything she says sounds familiar to my current situation now, haha! so i'm having mixed feelings about it! the prospects sounds interesting to me but not sure if i can manage because i'm also quite a dependent person, always depend on ppl to help me, cook for me, blah blah, an independent life sounds challenging yet exciting becos i yearn to live in another country's world & immersed in their culture. yet i also valued my family life, between work and family, i would love to choose family but sometimes reality does not allow us to do so. yet if i missed tis chance, then when will another opportunity knock on my door? i kip thinking if its not tis, then wat is suitable for me? v sadly, i cannot find an ans!

i tink i have tis fear in my mind which always makes me tink twice whether the decision i made is suitable for me anot, for i fear i may regret..............life is too short to have so many regrets.........my biggest regret in my life till now is the $ invested to tis w, small regrets in my life are giving up of piano and drawing.........frankly speaking, i'm a coward person....just like when i'm small, i always try to listen to wat the elderly says..........for i worried if i dun listen & be notti, i'll get scolded. as a child, of course i tried to be notti, and ended up being caned by papa....hee.....so after that, i becum obedient again........for tat's how it shaped up my life? i'm always polite, obedient, respectful to everyone, wun quarrel, wun anyhow throw my temper but most of the time, full of smile........even if i dislike someone, i'll also be polite to them, just dun tok so much to them! maybe tat's y some frens will feel i'm abit jia jia, haha! actually i also prefer to be a v straight person but i juz cannot, haha!

feel so sianz............grr grr.......